Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Mirror of What's deep inside...


There are times we feel uncomfortable with ourselves and yet we try to prevent other people from noticing this. In my pretensions, I've always felt so differently. Life seems harder that it takes away my freedom to say things the way I've always wanted to. I did everything to stop people from discovering the pain I feel inside.Many are afraid of being hurt so that even though they really want to be close to other people, tides are turned and we get rejected. Sometimes this also happens with the very people we allow to get a good look at us. There are times that I've hate myself because our dreams of being close to some people in our lives seem to being shattered by it. The very special people in our lives seem to only notice us when we are in extreme pain. Sometimes, the stress is already too strong for us to handle that we begin to think that help from others are futile. Different people wear different masks with its only function is to hide their true personalities. Our weaknesses, which serve as proofs of our vulnerability and self-hatred, are kept deep inside. The masks people like us wear are usually smiling, pretending to be happy, but deep inside is anger and loneliness kept for years. The mask maybe the only thing that can hold it and once removed, the destructive force could shatter all relationship with friends, family and other special people.



It is truly hard to be friendly with ourselves. In trying to please everyone and facing failures that are unpredictable, I keep the guilt that I feel inside of me, so that I may be able to keep up with the present life. There are times that people are hard to please; always discontented with the good things you show them. They don’t even appreciate the things that have been done for them. they expect others to work unfailingly and seemingly in an inhuman manner, maybe more. In seeing all the people around you getting what they want with full satisfaction, as they will be finally pleased in looking at the dark cellar deep within us. I feel ashamed of the scenes where I lose myself and unconsciously get angry. These days, I am no longer able to laugh so willingly and though I believe that we all need someone to like us in a unique way, we should not force that someone to like us. We should be ourselves to be able to impress the person by our genius actions. If we fail to gain the attention of that person, we should not worry too much. Though we couldn’t be ignored by the very person whose response we desperately long for, we should not feel like fools. Instead, we should avoid planning to trap happiness and begin to wait for unsuspected surprises. 

There are people who also give us affection when we're not even trying to win them. There is always someone that perceives us as something more than what we are. In return, we should be thankful to that person. Our experiences, difficult or disappointing they may have been, should be given proper labels. We should not waste time waiting for things to happen. If we have a conflict with anybody, we should do something about it today. We should try our best to straighten the problem. We should be willing to make the sacrifices to accomplish it.


Sometimes, we think that life is a sickness that people need to be cured. People who think this way desire to change life. People are sometimes unaware that from them, comes the sickness. We are often afraid to do what is right and then we regret all the things that we did in the past. We become victims of our tears. Yet in spite of all the wrong decisions we’ve made, we should be contented and try to make the right choices in the future. Life is a risk but God grants freedom to those who seek it. And though we are chained by our fears and it is hard to break free, we should muster all our courage to overcome it.


In everything we do, we should remember that there is hope. Life is not about being tough and pretending to be tough, its about making tough decisions.


When we start to feel that something is missing in our lives, we feel empty. And when we feel this emptiness inside us, this is when loneliness comes in. we start to long for someone whom we could share and tell the happiness in our lives. Then we start to look for a companion, someone we can be at ease with. We start to long for a confidant, someone we could trust our secrets and goals in life with and at the same time give us moral support to be able to surpass the different obstacles in life. This is when FRIENDSHIP (or a relationship) blossoms.


I find it logical rather than hypocritical to reveal genuine feelings. Simply by just being ourselves, we can build a stronger foundation. TRUST AND HONESTY are the 2 most important factors of any relationship.


A "TRUE FRIEND" criticized your mistakes to help you change to become a better person. These criticisms should not let you down but rather build you, for they are constructive. Every individual needs it because it would help you improve in a positive aspect.


It is a nice feeling to be needed by a certain someone.


When you have trouble finding the words, a friend restores your faith in good things and good people. A friend teaches you to enjoy the bright spots in each new day that we encounter. A friend makes us smile when we are on the verge of shedding a tear instead. a friend accepts our positive and negative points as well as our strengths and weaknesses. No individual can stand-alone in this world without needing someone beside him. We would want to be accepted and that amount of acceptance is worth having a friend for. We cannot compare a true friendship with any material thing because I believe that no amount can buy a good and true friend.


People do not want to be miserable all their lives. They just need friends (or a lover *wink) to perk up their lives and give spice to it.


Communication is also vital to any relationships. It is not healthy in a when you shut each other out, it is the worse thing that once can do. One needs to break the ice.


We cannot mold people to be someone we like and love and have high expectations from them. We just have to let them "GROW." But we should be there to guide them, not suffocate the person. We must remember, no individual is created alike; one way or another, we have our own traits and uniqueness. We are all different in our ways of thinking, beliefs and opinions. If we want them to respect us, we must learn to give them respect. We must respect ourselves to respect them also.






Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Can I?



can i see you?

no, you can't.

can i touch you?

no, you can't.

can i kiss you?

no, you can't.

can i love you?

YES, you can...

BUT only in your DREAMS!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Disappointments and Friends

Disappointments - how does one deal with it? Is it worth being dealt upon? How does one overcome it? How can it be prevented? Why is it most often than not, associated with anger and frustrations?

One gets to be disappointed when one expects. Right.

There are different degrees of disappointments but the most unmanageable of all is when you get to be dismayed by a behavior of a person whom you regard highly. Its as if he/she showed you a facet of his/her personality in his/her unguarded moment, and there! You see the real him/her all of a sudden. It's as if you were fooled! The good picture that you so painstakingly formed with prudence, all through out the days that you think is long enough for you to know the person, suddenly got disfigured, that all his other good traits were overshadowed and that minute 'inconsistency' in his/her personality got superimposed.

Is there any logic in it? Are all of us like that to others - projecting one kind of personality and hiding the other, most usually, much worse one? It makes one doubt even the benefit of the doubt. It is easier to say that in order not to be disappointed, do not expect. However, this is not only hard, but impossible. It is just like a child who elicited a promise from his/her father/mother, candies and when he/she comes home, and when the father/mother arrives, he/she did not fulfill his promise when in fact he/she said yes to it. The child is made to understand and when he/she cannot, the fault is blamed on her. if she/he pouts or sulks, he/she becomes the antagonist in the story because she/he should have understood his father's reasons are valid.

If only it's as easy as that. If only each damage that is done is equivalent to a candy. But it's not, what's worse is, if one gets to be disappointed more than once, it's a slow but sure lost of faith and conviction to the source of disappointment. The child will get used to it. She'll not pout nor sulk anymore but in his/her heart mounts each and every incident that she/he was disillusioned. She might not believe in the person anymore.


Friends. They are one of my favorite subjects. Let me share and segregate the different kinds of friends - female or male (married or not married, straight femmes or males or not) lol!

The female classification belong to the species with the following criteria:

a. Their anatomy should be congruent with yours, even if sometimes, their heart is as confused as yours;
b. They are not male in physicality, emotions and mentality;
c. You can talk to them freely about any topics that you like without thinking that you might be misinterpreted;
d. They are honest with you (although sometimes they still have secrets but you will eventually know those anyway);
e. They run to you for advice regardless of your age and theirs;
f. They are a blessing to you (know why?);
g. They regard you as a blessing to them

The male classification on the other hand, belong to the species with the following criteria:

a. Some have an anatomy different from yours, some have an anatomy similar with yours, but regard it as a trap;
b. They do not think like you do, that is why you are interested to hear their opinion because of their premise;
c. They can get bossy, arrogant, chauvinist, but still you would entertain them anyway (oh I have disposed some of them already, thank God);
d. They could really prove to be a real pain in the neck (and in the ass), a certified moron, or one hell of a mistake!

Anyways, no matter how biased these categories or descriptions are, we all need friends. 'No man is an island' However, if one turns out to be jewel or a gem and the other proves to be a load to carry, it is fine, so long as we know the difference. There will be days that people will walk into your life who would not be satisfied to be just a friend or in what you can just offer. Pray, that when the right people comes, even if they fall under the categories mentioned above, we should not regret the fact that we, too, are not just satisfied to be one's friend.

I may have been disappointed so many times with some people but this does not stop me from looking for real friends. It is just a phase in one's life. Maybe I have stopped fighting for these people not because I am a coward but because I realized and discovered that they are not worth fighting for. Although I still wish them well.